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Part 3... Chapter 23... Dread, Excitement or Both…

19/3/2018

So, what’s going to be different when He ‘Polishes His Presents’ on haunted ground full of memories to all the unanswered. I promise everything I say and do is going to be funky and fair lol, even writing that down was finger twisting torcher. I’m hurting real deep no matter how much I try to skirt around the edges of excitement in seeing Him.

Maybe I should put a spell on Him to be banished from my life, after all He banished me from His until His balls grew like a mans which gave Him a bigger pair to face me. I’ve got to know Him well and He spins a good line when He wants to be believed.

The way I see it is this, everyone is in it for their own gain. I’m talking about life. A chance is taken every day with every breath, thought and action. I don’t know what my actions are going to be but hope my breathing will execute my thoughts and carry them across to be understood with true sense.

We all think we know someone so well, inside and out, but we don’t. Inside everybody’s mind there is a secret mass of actions ready to be performed for right or wrong when the time imposes. It’s in that moment of hit or miss when we put into practice what we preach. With attaining the realization of life and putting into effect it’s connotations, it can be hard to show love, even harder to admit you want to feel it.

It’s 2.14 am according to the clock but that’s never right like most of the above my fingers have painstakingly inked down, but it’s close enough to tell me it’s time for some beauty sleep.

He won’t leave my thoughts.He hasn’t been in them for a while and now He just won’t piss off. Fuking hell mun. If He enters my dreams I’ll fuking kill Him whatever the dream narrative.

Praise the Green God for its abundance because that’s where I am sticking my head right now. I’m gonna breath in the scent and imagine I’m running through its fields of green crystal bud coated bliss. Tickling every cell of my skin and captivating me in the pleasure garden, being dazed with heavenly beauty. Now my dream begins, lol.

I’ll be back tomorrow with more over flowing thoughts of the what if’s…

Morning... Well here I am at 10.23 pm precisely. Back with nail biting anxiety with what happened to me on this day. There wasn’t an arranged time for us to meet, He came over in the afternoon.

It started with the roar of an engine reverberating its coming through the labyrinth of the Sandfields streets.
My heart started to beat faster as my mind raced around the route, trying to navigate and catch up with every sound wave as He was getting closer to my front door.
It was my machine, I knew its sound, its roar, its power. I was happy inside that He had actually put His helmet back on to ride it. He must have found out how to live again and breath life back into his rickety bones.
I do hope He is happy in Himself.

The sound became louder telling me He was on my street. Hearing the engine being tenderly stroked with the throttle, was a beautiful exciting sound. Fuk sake, my recollections of an able-bodied Me zoomed straight to the front page of my memory bank, as if I was living in yesteryear's land. A knock on the door zoomed me back into my chair.

The moment had come. My nervousness was making my eye brow twitch, which was always a giveaway sign I was shitting it. He was going to be wearing His leathers, I just knew it... I was right.
He had shaved off all His beard leaving only a slight stubble that I had always found attractive on Him. He gave me a smile that again took me back to our early days. My smile back at Him was big enough to block out the light without denial that I was so pleased to see Him again.

We henceforward into the kitchen where He stood leaning against the cooker as I sat in my manual about 4 feet away. We just looked at each other for that moment you know is too long, with no words, only shining sparkly eyes, as if they were trying to talk before the brain set into motion.
When the brain did step in it was strangely nerving.

He said no to the offer of a cuppa tea, it was just a quick visit really. No longer than 20 minutes. Once the initial ’Hellos’ were over with it all came back to me. He was just the same, His actions on rolling himself a fag more times than needed, was all He had to do to show me I was right asking Him to leave.

There were too many pauses in our talk. It was bitty with the, ‘How are yous?’ and the, ‘Where have you been?’ to the, ‘What you been up to?’ snooping questions. It was pleasant. Fuking pleasant lol, I can’t believe that’s the word I’m using, but it is the first word coming to mind without needing to think about it. It really was pleasant, Hahaaaaaa, Oh, for fuk sake lol. Spliff needed 😉

He told me He had to get away so left and stayed on a friends Barge for free if He would paint it. It was some place in Pontypool, well I think that’s where He said He was. I’d never heard of this good friend with a Barge. So, there it goes like I said, we never know each other completely.

I told Him how much I do for myself now compared to when we were together. More surgery was booked toward the end of November and that I passed my driving test at Rookwood. All in all, living the life of a Para.

We arranged for Him to come over for dinner. He’s back, and where we go from here is plastered with question marks. It was good to see Him however brief and pleasant lol, and I think He was more anxious than I.

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Part 3... Chapter 23... Dread, Excitement or Both…

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