Part 3... Chapter 15... The Morning AFTER the Night Before…

​It’s a beautiful day. No more snow, not that we were knee deep in it, but it’s still cold with the sun shining through the clouds and I’m shining with it. In my own moronic way, I’m feeling happy. Preposterous a feeling to have when I’m the one with a disability about to tell the other ‘with’ ability to Fuk Off outta that front door as soon as can be. I want the keys to my house, my business and my car, back in my hands.

God, it felt good writing that just then… Real dam good… lol

Our train has crashed. Now is the time to filter through all the debris. The remains of our relationship wreckage. The scraps of civilized vocabulary, and the dregs of true feelings at least, would show respect before He leaves My Home. My future. My life. My heart. But I doubt He will ever be erased or even obliterated from my thoughts… mores the pity.

​To get through the remains will have to be done in stages. This time I’m sitting on the right shoulder and siding with the Angel. You see, I do have a heart all soft and squidgy in the middle, but only open to show my heart is in working order for a brief time. There are only so many tick tocks my heart pendulum can swing, before its hard-shell closes all its sides around her for safe keeping once again.

The morning after His grand entrance the night before was, let me just put it mildly, a fuking disaster. As He is my main carer I wasn’t going to let my care be on his hungover clock watching. I called over to Him at the usual time, and that took immense effort from my screaming lungs. The start of the day was going pete tong. There wasn’t any conversation, it was too early for that, and boy did I have things to say. But I kept it all in. I did make it onto my chair tho, eventually.

He lay there on the sofa suffering the after effects of Mr Alcohol. ‘Good’, the devil on my left yells down my ear lol. 

Anyway, while He undergoes the experience of feeling like a twat from His own affliction. His survival throws back torture and pain to his body and brain. 

While I sit at the computer desk tapping away today’s events as they happen. Which isn’t much in the form of anything amazing, like breathing, apart from my thinking, keyboard letter clicking, toking my spliff and slurping gulps of water.

I have loud reggae vibes surrounding my soul, the volume pumped up high enough for me not to hear His snoring grunts.

At some point today when the time is right I have decided to tell him that He will move out. I won’t throw Him onto the streets, but we need to separate and have time to focus on what the future holds for the two of us.

Who knows, maybe a short break will be the tonic that’s needed now we both know what our life changes are.
​
Barhaaa, haha, ha… Ooh fuk, I’m gonna give myself a slap for that last sentence!

God, I hate being all so fuking understanding of another person’s feelings when I’m in the same dire straits and worse off... Ok, shit. I must remember I’m on the angel’s side right now but the devil keeps butting in lol. I feel like a big kid. Fuk, I best make another spliff, lol… back in 3…

Ok, I’m back. I made myself a sandwich and a coffee to go with, while my hearing kept catching the sound of Him snoring out of sync with my music in the background. As I rolled my way back through into the living room, A.K.A Piss ‘Ed, stirred and turned to greet me with hungover eyes.

I scattily reminded him of the state he was in and that the next time He sees my daughter he has to apologise. That was it at this point… Hmmm, I don’t think we’ll be having the chat today, it’s late afternoon already and He’s in no fit state to try. Never mind, tomorrow ain’t that far off.

I’m going to be putting it to Him as clear and as pressurised as He wants it to get.
I will trust my instincts this time and its telling me that He’s not going to go against anything I propose He, ‘We’ do.

Knowing Him the way I do, He’ll be sitting or standing giving the impression without realising it himself, that He has been turned into stone. Apart from a few of His body parts being; One of his hands will be positioned and slightly balanced on his chin, as he gnaws away persistently at his finger nails with his nibbling teeth, and unblinking eyes.
​
So, until tomorrow keyboard, it’s good evening from me…