Part 1.... chapter 10

So here I am again typing out what I'm thinking. Typing out frequent thoughts of my life in "limbo". I don't know where to start.... Well, actually I do, and it's the wanting of SEX!!! I'm using the word "wanting" lightly at the moment because I can feel the word "NEEDING"!!! creeping in not too far behind the"wanting"..... At the moment I want it with my man, of course I do, but, if the meaning of "needing" takes over my whole existence.... Well, what's that gonna mean??? We should be at it like rabbits in every room of the pub, it's our new adventure and every room should be christened. We didn't care where we did it before, so what's changed now is the question I've been asking myself for a long time. I'm coming up with no supported answer except maybe he's over worked, or he's gay!!! I shout to the Gods "I hope not".... Are you hearing me all you Gods, "I said I hope not".... but if he is, was it me that turned him, oh no, oh the dread... the shame.... no, he's not gay.... ;-).

It was Mother's Day a few days ago and the Cricketers was bouncing. Every table was booked, decorated with flowers and a small bag of chocolates for every special Mum. I was really happy with the success of that day but upon pulling the first pint with a pounding headache acquired the night before, after getting very pissed. I froze with that sinking void feeling in my whole being. AaaRrrrGggHhhhh - Noooooooooo!!!!!! Last nights take from Crowley's, where was it????? Red flashing sirens zooming around my head. Half way through pouring the customers pint I handed the glass over to a member of staff and bolted my way like lightning out of the bar, up the stairs to my office. Searching franticly in every draw, every bag, lifting up every thing that my hands touched. And found nothing. I sat at my desk with my head in my hands and just let out an almighty roar because it was all coming back to me now....
The night before wasn't the best night. I can't remember all of it but I do remember not giving Crowley's take to my other half to carry. I was adamant I could carry it myself. I remember getting into the taxi and perching it on my lap, then getting out of the taxi and wobbling through the beer gardens, stumbling up the fire escape, then once inside the flat  I went straight to bed. 
The next day being Mother's Day I didn't have time to look for it, it was full steam ahead downstairs  until I started pulling that pint.
Well I couldn't find the taxi guy and he wasn't a registered cabby driver either so it was all my fault. Pissed up, and being a twat. Oh well, we live and learn or in my case I live and lose.

I can feel that second word I started talking about at the beginning of todays diary entry, that word "NEEDING". I'm definitely needing some sort of release, alcohol is not the mind relaxant I'm needing it's something more and it begins with "S" and ends with "X".....