Part 1.... chapter 16

Well I’ve been sat by my computer on and off for how many hours only the Gods know. Which God is with me today I wonder, because she or he are not helping me put the pieces together that well. My mind is such a drag today. When I look out of the window the skies calming blue colour background has big fluffy white clouds rapidly being pulled and stretch out like pizza dough before a thin lower cloud sweeps in like a white colouring pen to fill in the gaps until no blue sky is showing. Maybe by tomorrow after the winds have settled, there will be more blue sky to see and my mind will heel….

It’s hard to live by the rules so the smoking of a joint was called for again before I got the business accounts sorted and done a stock take. The only thing in my mind is the night I came home after a night out with my mate. That night was the first time ever in our relationship that my partner and I had a physical fight. It was crazy….

After scrunching up the note that he’d left on my pillow I threw it towards him as he shouted something at me from behind the bar that I can’t even remember. What I do remember is this - It didn’t please me at all and I picked up the nearest small stool to hand and aimed it at him as he stood there. He ducked away from the oncoming missile which crashed into and smashed up some of the optics spirits held up on the top shelf. The stool didn’t hit him physically but my action in throwing it at him did. I had hit an emotional release button within him with great force that his anger charged him from out behind the bar and coming directly towards me on full speed.

He wanted me out of the Cricketers. He just kept shouting that at me, which was fine. I told him he could stay. Have it. No problem. All I needed to do was go back upstairs to get my bag and keys, but what I was saying to him was not connecting and registering with the few cognitive brain cells he has left….

We started pushing and shoving each other around like we were doing the frigging waltz, rhythmically around the pub floor. Somehow he’d managed to get me onto the floor and grab me by the ankles to start pulling me along the carpeted floor to the front of the pub. I’m desperately trying to grab a hold of any table or stool leg but without success. All the while screaming at him to let go because all I needed to do was go and get my bag and keys.
He dragged me to the front entrance but had to let go of my ankles to take the steel lock bar off to open the doors. As soon as I’m up he’s already taken the bar off and we are back to pushing and shoving each other again. Only this time he had his hand around my throat. Trying to push me back down to the floor calling me all the whores under the sun and then by his EX wife’s name…. That was well freaky…. I mean…. What the fuck…. I had only kissed a guy…. I hadn’t tried to get a threesome going on here. Not like his EX, who was apparently into that more than he…. Awe….

I tried to get his hand from my throat and gain his attention by telling him "I’m not your bloody EX. I’m not, blar, blar”. He eventually let go but he wasn’t going to give up until he’d got me out of the pub.

He eventually pushed me with such force out through the front door that I landed a good three meters from it. I landed with a hell of a bump. It seemed that I was flying through the air in slow motion as I caught the look on my partners face as I landed…. Not too far down the street I could see a small group of people walking down towards us, so I got up and ran towards our motor bike with the threat to him that I was gonna pull it to the ground. That was the only way I thought I could get my partner away from the door so I would be able to get back inside the pub to get my bag and keys. For fuck sake that is all I wanted….

It worked. I didn’t pull the bike to the floor but the distraction was long enough. By the time he came back in and had locked the door back up and turned to find me I was gone. Well not gone, I was there but in the shadows. Sitting on the sofa by the stage in the dark with my knees bent up to my chest and my arms hugging them in close. I wanted to laugh at him because the situation we were in reminded me of when I was a young girl. My father battered whole fuck out of every woman in his life and me almost every day for most of my mine. I was 15yrs old when I left home vowing no man would hit me again without a fight back….
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While sitting in the dark watching my man running around the pub like a headless chicken calling out for my whereabouts, just made me want to laugh... He stormed into the kitchen then back out of the kitchen, not even noticing I'm so close. He took the steps in a leap up to look around the bar area again. So before I'd burst out my laughter and blew my cover, I called out for him to turn on the lights.

He came and sat next to me and more damaging words were spoken. I then got up to go upstairs when another toxic babble of the English language came spilling out from both of us then his hand was again around my throat pushing my head onto the door that lead the way up to the flat. I was also used to this action by my father so after looking deep into my partner’s eyes and saying the last of what I had to say, I just closed mine and relaxed myself until he released his grip.

Once he let go of me the door opened and I went upstairs and laid on the bed. I woke up the following morning curled up cuddling my bag, still wearing yesterdays clothes, freezing my tits off, and feeling very, very sore….